Falcons Forum

We missed last week for reasons no one cares about. So why not ignore work emails for a short while and catch up on which teams are good, which teams are sliding, and how bad the Falcons suck?

#1. A'S
(11-3-0 Overall; 1st in President's Division)
(Rank last week: 3)

The A's move into the top spot in spite of their new uniforms, having won five in a row. When you think about it, only one of those wins was remotely impressive: they won the nightcap of their doubleheader against Storm. After that, they swept Broadway, who have been using call-ups on the regular lately, and the Falcons, the League's second biggest hot mess.

#2. THE CREW
(9-3-0 Overall; 1st in Vice President's Division)
(Rank last week: 4)

Are The Crew REALLY 9-3? No, reader, they are not. There are missing scores on the league's website. Like, c'mon, how hard is it to input the score? Anyway, we'll assume they're still riding the currently reported 6-game winning streak, taking them to the top of the VP division. Is their #2 spot also somehow related to the badass sound setup they bring to games for the walk-up music? You know it is.

#3. STORM
(9-5-0 Overall; 2nd in President's Division)
(Rank last week: 6)

Welp, here comes goddamned Storm, winners of four straight. They're now in 2nd, all by themselves in the President's Division, two games ahead of the fading Broadway. Can they catch the A's to win their sixth straight President's Division crown? It might come down to the doubleheader between the two teams on the 7th of September. On the other hand, Storm has four games against the Falcons between now and then, so they may be so far ahead it'll be moot.

#4. SURGE
(9-4-0 Overall; 2nd in Vice President's Division)
(Rank last week: 1)

Surge drops 3 spots not due to poor play, because they're 3-1 since we last posted, but because the teams above have been performing better... that is, because we're assuming The Crew beat Triple Play? Man, egg on my face if they haven't, eh?

#5. BROADWAY
(7-7-0 Overall; 3rd in President's Division)
(Rank last week: 1)

Attendance issues have plagued Broadway of late, and really, since we're in the middle of an ACTUAL, REAL-LIFE PLAGUE, an attendance plague isn't all that bad, right?

#6. TRIPLE PLAY
(5-5-0 Overall; 4th in Vice President's Division)
(Rank last week: 7)

Triple Play moves up a spot, despite not reporting the scores of their games against The Crew. They did, however sweep their games against Surge, who at that point was leading the division... which benefited The Crew. I can't figure out if they're working together on some kind of conspiracy, or what.

#7. THE BUELLERS
(7-6-0; 3rd in Vice President's Division)
(Rank last week: 5)

Thanks to a significant injury, it seems The Buellers have turned back into a pumpkin... Will the anticipated return of a star draft pick in time for the playoffs ACTUALLY HAPPEN? The rest of the VP Division is on the edge of their seats waiting to find out!

#8. HANET PLASTICS
(3-9-0 Overall; 5th in President's Division)
(Rank last week: 8)

Hanet is 1-5 in their last six, but has at least won their most recent game. When you get down this far in the rankings, simply winning a game is pretty good news.

#9. FALCONS
(2-7-0 Overall; Last in President's Division)
(Rank last week: 9)

The Falcons have lost 3 in a row, again, and 10 of their last 12. "EVERYONE MAKES THE PLAYOFFS!", you can distinctly hear them say.

#10. COULAS BONE CRUSHERS
(1-13-0 Overall; 5th in Vice President's Division)
(Rank last week: 10)

Losers of 13-straight, Coulas appears to be attempting the reverse-Storm streak.

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