Falcons Forum

Tuesday 8:00PM June 18th, 2024

Tuesday evening's 8:00pm matchup at K2 featured the Falcons vs Coulas Bone Crushers, both in 3rd place in the President's & VP's division standings, respectively. The Falcons were feeling good after a Father's day pizza night, riding the wave of a 1 game winning streak. Playing alternately like Jekyll & Hyde lately, you wondered which Falcons might show up for the game. Would it be the fearsome offense that put up 28 runs against a President's division team Sunday night? Or the limp dicked squad that could only score 4 against a VP division team a few games earlier?

With a 12 man lineup, the Falcons actually had some subs. What a concept! The top of the order got right to work in the 1st, with a leadoff Cowboy single, a Favourite-Jer RBI double, and a Barry Guerrero Jr (thanks for not getting suspended this game!) RBI double. This set the stage for "Grandpa Sr" Beatty to take his slow walk to the plate, his fearsome bat almost as scary as his ugly face, both striking fear into the heart of the poor Coulas pitcher. One swing of the bat and BOOM, the ball is deposited over the left field fence, 3 run dinger! Next up, Grahambo and DC single, Shohei walks (that's right folks, he's back baby! Flash who?!) and Poutine cashes two with a single. Falcons put up a max 6 with zero outs. That's more like it! The bottom half of the first saw Shohei allow 1 run on a sac fly, and Team Blue was up 6-1.

A Less-Favourite-Jer single and Miner Leaguer double was all the offense the Falcons could muster in the second. No need to worry, Shohei and the Falcons D put up a delicious doughnut of their own in the bottom half of the inning.

Top of third saw a More-Likable-Jer double, then three straight outs. Another zero for the Falcons offense. Would we see another disappointing loss to a VP division team? The D kept them in the game (not that kind of D, Labrecque!), with the Taxman's ninja cat like reflexes getting the first out of the inning on a quickly caught foul. One run was the extent of the Coulas damage on a double and RBI single. Falcons up 6-2 after three.

The Falcons O (not that kind of O, Labrecque!) went right back to work, staging a two out rally. A Labrecque triple, a Grandpa Jr RBI single, a Less-Likable-Jer RBI triple, a Taxman walk, a Miner Leaguer RBI double, and a two-RBI Cowboy triple, scored 5 runs. At this point, More-Handsome-Jer struts up to plate, his striking face and hunky physique breaking all the soccer mom's hearts across Durham region, surely even making the Coulas pitcher weak in the knees (not that there's anything wrong with that! Happy Pride!), and proceeds to deposit a ball over the center field fence. With one runner on and already plating 5 in the inning, it was a two run shot that only counted for one run. Nice "Grahambo", New Jer! Holding Coulas to a delicious doughnut in the bottom half of the inning, Falcons up 12-2 after four.

Top of the fifth saw singles by Barry Guerrero Jr and Grandpa Sr, an RBI Grahambo single, a DC single, a Shohei RBI single, and a Poutine sac fly (not that kind of sack, Labrecque!), plating 3 runs. The bottom half saw the beginning of what you might have thought was the Falcons presentation of Abbott & Costello's "Who's on First?" comedy routine. Most of Team Blue took the field, noticeably absent was someone at the shortstop position, with New Jer staring off into space in the dugout and Grahambo relieving himself on a tree behind the right field fence. You almost thought Grahambo wanted us to see him taking a piss, he was so close to the fence I could read his jersey name and number. Maybe he's an exhibitionist and is into that sort of thing? His lame excuse was that old Jer told him to play 2B the whole game, but that was clearly a bad joke, and who takes old Jer seriously, anyways? With Soccer-Mom-Heart-Throb-Jer in at SS, and in a questionable lineup change Poutine on the pitcher's mound for the 3 inning save, Coulas plated three. Falcons up 15-5 after five.

Top of sixth saw Miner Leaguer do his best Steve impression with a leadoff triple, and Cowboy touch green with an RBI single. Grandpa Sr cranked what would otherwise have been his 2nd long ball of the night, except the Falcons were plus 2 in HRs, so it only counts for an out. Since we're describing all crappy HR outcomes with different names of our fearless leader Grahambo, a HR-out is now coined a "Scotty", after Graham's first name. Nice Scotty, Beatty! Falcons plate one. Bottom six saw some more defensive positioning musical chairs, with Shohei ignoring the "2B" on the lineup card and setting up behind home plate as the catcher. Sorry Billy, Shohei is so used to both pitching and catching in the bedroom, that he can't help but do both on the field, too. The Falcons defense would give up four in the inning, up 16-9 after 6.

DC strode to the plate in the top of the 7th and said "I can be like Cowboy too" with a leadoff triple of his own. A Shohei sac fly plated one, then Poutine, New Grandpa, and Old Jer all singled to load the bases. The Taxman cashed one with a sac fly, and Miner Leaguer knocked in two with an RBI double, bringing the Falcons to the 20 run mark. Feels good, doesn't it? The bottom of the 7th saw the third and final act of the Falcons "Who's On First", with Grahambo playing left field for some dumb reason? Thankfully nobody hit the ball there, as Poutine would finally take care of business on the mound with a 1-2-3 inning, and Falcons win 20-9. That's two wins in a row, folks! Four more and we drink for free! A nice and easy VP weeknight matchup against Coulas was just what the Chiropractic Doctor Ordered.

NOTES:
1. Thanks goes out to Homie for scoring on an empty stomach, while watching the Jays game on her cell phone, and annoying old Jer by telling him the Jays score when he'd ask for the Falcons score. Attagirl, Homie!
2. Yours truly still has an unused raffle prize from the banquet for "$111 worth of Reconnective Healing" with Dr. Mike Coulas. I'm a little concerned that includes a happy ending, or some freaky thing I don't really understand, what do you think? Dare I look up "Reconnective Healing" on urbandictionary.com?
3. With 4 triples on the night, I'm wondering what's the record? Is there a way we can check for what was the most Falcons triples in a game?

Boxscore:

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